Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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