i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
