He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
