Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
