were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize