just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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