sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He better not be in your backpack
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
