operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
