Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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