Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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