so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
