I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hippo gnu deer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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