bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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