I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
