peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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