How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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