I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
