I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize