Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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