also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
