dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There r osticjed everywhere
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize