my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
