Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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