and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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