seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
