Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
