Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
