If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
