I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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