I never want to see another naked old woman again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
