I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
