I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
