i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
