My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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