I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
