Too much gin, very little bucket
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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