I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
