i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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