one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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