Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
