I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
