you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
