Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im part way to drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
