You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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