i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
