Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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