Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the condom got lost in my hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
