How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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