i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
