I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize