his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
