Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize