Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
