I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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