I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
