Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
