Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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