im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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