I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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