I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
