i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
