I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
