Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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