Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
