i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
