i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
