She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
