Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
