I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
