Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize