I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
