every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
