Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
