I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
