I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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