you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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