Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
