Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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