just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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