oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
