The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
