Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
