Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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