dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
