This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
