I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize