Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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