wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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