How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
