So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
