Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
