I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
