I'm eating all of the evidence.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
