it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
