I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
