He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
